Herein lies the story of Elaine Paul Alt.
Please get yourself a comfortable seat, and beverage of choice.
AMAB
Once upon a time, I was born into this world as David Paul Alt.
Today, I am Elaine Paul Alt.
Here, we discuss what that means, and how we got here.
Gender
Many people ask me about my gender, as my name no longer matches my gender assigned at birth. At least, not fully. Or, not always. Often with some confusion, and perhaps provocation.
My perspective on gender is that it is a social construct. That does not mean it isn’t real. Just that there is very little that is innate about it. Most of it is a set of behavioral conventions that we are corralled into adopting and acting out.
Which is why people who have some confusion around my name being Elaine often ask, is that a French name? Or if I’m wearing a dress, they’ll ask, it is some kind of African garment?
They can’t wrap their heads around someone who appears biologically male volunarily adopting things that are female-assigned. They want to assume that there is some other explanation, based on gender normativity. It is easier for them to imagine that I am, indeed, following gender-appropriate behavior, just from some other culture with different norms, than it is to imagine that I am actively and consciously defying the norms of our culture.
Misogyny
The fact that people have a difficult time understanding gender nonconformity is an expression of misogyny.
Which is to say, things and values associated with being a woman, and more generally anything considered feminine, are considered inferior, weaker, and less valuable than things associated with men and masculinity.
The concept that someone who has access to culturally being a man would choose not to, to any extent at all, is confusing to most people.
This is precisely because the status of men is so much greater than the status of women, that adopting the feminine is tatamount to rejecting privilege. Why would anyone want to voluntarily choose an inferior position in life, where people pay you less, assume you are stupid, don’t listen to you, and do not extend the same opportunities?
The alternative is that you are crazy. This becomes explicit when you look at the depictions of cross dressers in media, the antagonist in Psycho being the most on-the-nose example.
It is worth noting that Trans Men do not experience quite the same treatment. Because maleness and masculinity is prioritized over femaleness and feminity, it is seen as a rational decision that a woman would want to become a man.
This is not to say being a Trans Man is a walk in the park, as many if not most people will not honor their gender identification, and still consider them to be a woman, or worse inflict violence in order to “teach them a lesson”.
Transgenderism
Most of my awareness of gender-related ideas comes from the Transgender movement.
At a certain level, I don’t quite relate to transgenderism personally, insofar as people who identify as transgender have a very strong identification with a gender. Just, not the gender assigned to them based on their biology.
While I support their effort to exist in the world according to their gender preference, I am not interested in adapting to a particular gender. To me, that seems just as confining as staying in your assigned gender.
Regardless, the analysis and theory of gender as advanced by Transgender activists is very valuable. In particular, reading about the concept of Gender Dysphoria (GD), and reading about individual stories about their experiences of gender, has been eye-opening.
While I don’t experience GD at the level of someone who is transgender, the quality and character of GD very accurately characterizes what I do experience, albeit at a much lower level.
